“August: Osage County”


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Only two more days of “August: Osage County”.  Part of me is relieved but also sad. I will greatly miss the social aspects.  After that, I will go into a self imposed exile.  I want to be social but at the same time I feel too damn lazy or depressed to really bother with it.  This forces me to be out and social.

However, on the bright side I will be able to pursue other hobbies as well as work on my blog.

Here is a trailer that my friend Kai Hamilton filmed and I edited for the show.  Hope you enjoy!

“August: Osage County” trailer

hard questions


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Just a few random questions I thought of.  I wonder if some can be answered at all.

!. Why did man decide to pick up a stick and draw something?

2. What was the first word spoken?

3. How did man know to speak?

4. How did man discover sex?

5.When did man start questioning his existence and his place in the universe?

6. Why do we have emotions?

7. How did man know what foods to eat?

8. How did man learn about cooking versus eating raw foods.


Loneliness kills


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Depression has got me firmly in its grip.  It’s a bad day when you wake up crying.  There’s no one to talk to.  All my friends are surface level friends only and they are all asleep anyway.

The only physical human contact I get is when I am doing someone’s hair or when I have a brief romantic scene in a play. That’s it.

I wish I had someone’s arms to wrap myself in like a blanket.  Something so simple.  I don’t want just someone to talk to. I want someone to hold.

In a world where most people don’t have enough money for neccessities, what I want is free.  I am poor and broke just like the rest but I feel I have more chance of being able to buy a Mercedes than to have someone love me and want to hold me.

The other day rehearsal ran a little late.  Everyone had loved ones texting them to make sure they were okay.  Everyone except me.  There is no one to care if I get home a little late. Hell, the only reason anyone would wonder where I am is if I didn’t show up for work or rehearsal. Just a simple text or phone call to see if I was okay would mean the world to me.  But I mean the world to no one.

I write this in my public blog rather than my private journal because it feels like I am talking to somebody. Even though I only have a few followers.  But frankly, I am too depressed to write more.

Science saved my soul.


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I have been rather busy as of late.  When I am not working or sleeping I am working on my role as Ivy Weston in “August: Osage County”.  It’s a little more challenging than I thought it would be.  So I am saving all my energy for that.  But I didn’t want to get out of the habit of making regular blog posts, so I decided to take a shortcut and post this video a friend posted on facebook a while back.  It is absolutely beautiful!  At times I wanted to tear up, but that’s nothing strange with me.

Anyway, here’s the video. Hope you enjoy!

“Heathen’s Guide” review


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I just finished reading an interesting, informative and humorous book. The Heathen’s Guide to World Religions: A Secular History of the One True Faiths  The author William Hopper guides us through the less than pious history of world religions. No religion is spared. Religions from Christianity to Buddhism are systematically ripped open to expose the underbelly of lies many religions are based on.

This book is more than just another atheist bashing religion. The author obviously spent a good amount of time on research and fact finding. Although the author is a self-proclaimed “heathen” the book does not reek of bias. The book is based on solid, hardcore facts and does away with all the myths and misconceptions of world religions. Proof positive that atheists know more about religion than the theists.

This book is highly reccomended for both the non religious and the religious.  Atheists will be entertained and informed.  Theists will likely be shocked and offended but also left highly informed about their own faith.


“Imagine” in Gregorian

“Imagine” by John Lennon is one of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard. However, listening to it by the group “Gregorian” is surreal.
The music and the voices envelop me in a tender musical embrace. I close my eyes and feel like I am floating atop gentle ocean waves. The harmony tames the savage beast that dwells within me and I feel peace. Yet the words touch a special place in my heart and tears slide unchecked down my face.

I have no religion but I love Gregorian chant. I don’t understand what they are saying but I do love the vocal symphony. There is something haunting and mysterious that I find both chilling and comforting. If there were such a thing as guardian angels, they would be found within the music.

Below, I have posted a video of “Imagine” written by John Lennon and performed by “Gregorian.” I have also included lyrics below the video. I hope it touches you as much as it does me.


Imagine there’s no heaven
It’s easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today…

Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace…

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world…

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will live as one

No time for vindiction.

When someone does something to you that you rightly or wrongly don’t appreciate, it’s natural to want to split open their belly and watch their entrails fall out on the floor. Isn’t it? Maybe. Maybe not. But what you chose to do with that temptation matters alot. Some vindictive people won’t be happy until they have utterly destroyed you.

So what do you do? Fight back? I have always been a fighter. I have always refused to let people get away with disrespecting me in any way whatsoever. I am nothing if not passionate. Many people have found that out the hard way.

But now my passion is gone. There is none of the fire that is usually raging in my blood. The fire has now turned to ice. I am weary of this futile cycle. I have no energy for vindiction and no time to hate. I have thrown down my weapons. BUT..I have not surrendered.

Creation and Evolution


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In today’s political environment the subject of creation versus evolution keeps popping up.  Both sides are very passionate about what they believe.  The thing is, when we evolved we were created.  Not by a sentient being perhaps but evolution itself is a form of creation.

Whatever happened out there to bring us into being could be called creation… Then we evolved. If there is a God, let it be called evolution.  Evolution does not grant prayers or special favors but neither does evolution condemn. Evolution doesn’t need holy wars or sacrifices. Evolution doesn’t care about your sex life.  Evolution just makes sense.

With creation we are told we were created and given free will.  However, when we used that free will the creator became very angry with us.  The creator then expects to be given a pat on the back for creating us with flaws he doesn’t like that he feels we have to atone for.  Nevermind that HE created US!  The way I see it,if he did indeed create us, any flaws we possess are his fault.

I don’t believe the universe was created for us. I believe we were created out of the universe. As Carl Sagan would say, “We are star stuff.”

Does love exist in Afghanistan?


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For no particular reason, I began thinking about what life was like for women in Afghanistan. I came upon some awful stories. Some atrocities really stood out in my mind such as; If an Afghan woman is raped, the woman is blamed for it. Makes me shudder. But I have to wonder if there are some men in Afghanistan that are sympathetic to the women’s plight.

Surely there are rebels in matter of the heart in that restrictive society. Is it possible for them to all have the same minds? Wouldn’t it be wonderful to know that there are some men that truly love their wives and believe that she is their equal? Perhaps there are some afghan men that only adhere to custom because that is what society demands. what if they conformed only to protect the woman they loved?

I can’t imagine that the entire male population of Afghanistan would feel that their wives, mothers and daughters were little more than necessary evils. It might make for a pretty cool love story. Oooh! Inspiration has struck! But I’m gonna keep the details to myself. Maybe I have a bestseller! I can dream…….

I am no expert on Afghanistan but I do plan on learning more about it. I really want to know more about their attitude towards women and where it all came from. What on earth started such a horrible view on women? No doubt it stemmed from a religion that was created by a man who didn’t particularly care for women. Maybe he couldn’t get it up. Maybe he got dumped or perhaps he was a homosexual. Who knows but whoever he is, he didn’t much care for women.

Now on the flip side, I wonder if there are any Afghan women that are content with the way things are. If they are content, would they remain so after seeing that their lives could be different? I would love to know more about this. If any readers have any personal experience with this, I would love to hear it!