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Depression has got me firmly in its grip. It’s a bad day when you wake up crying. There’s no one to talk to. All my friends are surface level friends only and they are all asleep anyway.
The only physical human contact I get is when I am doing someone’s hair or when I have a brief romantic scene in a play. That’s it.
I wish I had someone’s arms to wrap myself in like a blanket. Something so simple. I don’t want just someone to talk to. I want someone to hold.
In a world where most people don’t have enough money for neccessities, what I want is free. I am poor and broke just like the rest but I feel I have more chance of being able to buy a Mercedes than to have someone love me and want to hold me.
The other day rehearsal ran a little late. Everyone had loved ones texting them to make sure they were okay. Everyone except me. There is no one to care if I get home a little late. Hell, the only reason anyone would wonder where I am is if I didn’t show up for work or rehearsal. Just a simple text or phone call to see if I was okay would mean the world to me. But I mean the world to no one.
I write this in my public blog rather than my private journal because it feels like I am talking to somebody. Even though I only have a few followers. But frankly, I am too depressed to write more.